Air travel–even with all of the added security and hassle–still has its benefits. The ease and speed of travel has made our planet a global city. We can visit friends and family that would otherwise be too far away. We can vacation in exotic locales. Airlines have taken some steps to remain profitable that make flying less desirable. For instance, meals are rare on the plane these days. And if you get a meal it is probably better left uneaten, take the example of a microwaved cheese pizza that I was recently served along with a bag of M&M’s. Now it looks as if they would like to take away one more perk of flying.
Megan and I have joked about how "no one can hear you fart on an airplane." The luxury of relieving gastro-intestinal pressure in a public place without sideways stares is quite satisfying. However, this woman found that extra effort to remain anonymous can cause serious problems. The article in the link describes how a woman lit a match on a plane to disguise the smell of her flatulance–the apparent result of an undisclosed medical condition. After smelling the sulfurous fumes from the match, the crew opted for an emergency landing. The woman was not charged with any crime nor was she allowed back on the plane when it departed. My question is: how did she manage to get matches onto the plane?
The DJ on one of our local radio stations was having a great time with this story earlier this week. As a result, people started calling in with their embarrassing moments on planes.
One woman told how she was taking a long overnight flight so brought a sleeping pill to ensure some restful sleep. She does not usually drink much alcoho, but she decided to have a drink with dinner. Then she took her sleeping pill and went to the restroom before settling down to the night. She says she doesn’t remember anything until she heard a lot of banging and woke up on the toilet with her head in her lap. Airline employees broke into the toilet, got her dressed, and helped her down the aisle to her seat because she was unable to walk by herself. She says there was a looooong line of people waiting to get into the restroom, all thinking that she was a terrible drunk! She says upon landing she hurried off the plane and hid until most of them had finished with baggage claim.
speaking of airplane bathrooms, a friend of mine’s brother once flew within russia on aeroflot, and to make more of a profit, they sold more tickets than available seats. his seat, then, was the toilet in the plane’s bathroom. and that’s not all–the flight crew locked him in there for the duration of the flight! in light of that, i guess the pizza doesn’t sound so bad…
i would also have wondered about the matches, if it weren’t for our recent thanksgiving trip. having my purse searched at the mexico city airport, the security woman asked if i was carrying any matches. i reluctantly told her i was, and pulled the little matchbook out of a tiny bag where i keep chapstick and aspirin, etc. she said, “oh, those are fine. we just can’t have you taking any boxes of matches on the plane.” hmmm.
derek — my wonderful and intelligent friend. i just had to make one small comment. i’m giving you bonus “cool” points for making an entire blog entry around the topic of toots. you are great! 😉
a. nice to see your blog.
b. i think you’ve always overestimated your geekiness. now that shabby chic is starting to go the way of cordovan shoes and the cassette tape, i think sleekly geeky is coming in. and i don’t think you’re nearly geeky enough, to be totally forthcoming. (remember those organic chem exams… the ones for which i would study for days to get a 90, that you would just go in cold-turkey and ace? you were always so nonchalant… and nonchalance is never geeky.)
c. i got through the airport security post the other day with a gerber pocketknife, about six centimeters in length and attached to my keychain, without anyone saying anything. i just pitched it in the bucket and (to keep him from noticing my beads of sweat) asked the guy about his day. of course, erin got a body cavity search because she tried to pack in a FOUR ounce bottle of shampoo in her one quart ziplock baggie, but she’s always had that dangerous and untrustworthy look about her.
d. merry christmas
Figured I would leave a comment here to say I got a 360 for christmas and play online. My gamertag is MstrStf. I thought I left a comment on your wife’s blog but I guess I didn’t submit it. So…. Hope to see you in the virtual world.
Mike